The Art of Getting Even
by Insanity Strikes Thrice
Summary: Postisland. So Kate owes Sawyer a favor. SKate. CHAPTER SIX FINALLY UP! Sawyer and company arrive on the island. A wrong assumption made by Libby potentially ruins Sawyer and Kate's future.
1. Old Friends

The Art of Getting Even

By Dinuriel

Disclaimer: Okay, let's vote on this. How many of you actually think there is the _slightest _possibility that I own _Lost_?

Summary: Post-island. So maybe no normal person would ever buy an old acquaintance out of jail just to get revenge on some conman… but since when has Sawyer been a normal person?

A/N: Just keep reading, just keep reading… Sorry if this is a bit short, I'm used to original fiction.

Chapter One: Old Friends

"Miss Austen?"

Kate looked up as the police officer opened the door to her cell.

"Congratulations. You've just been bought out of prison."

"What?" she demanded, "Can you even _do _that?"

He shrugged. "If you have enough money."

"I don't know anyone who can afford that though," insisted Kate, "Who paid?"

"He's on the phone right now if you want to talk to him."

The cop grabbed her buy the arm and walked her over to the desk. After breaking his grasp, she picked up the phone and sighed.

"Hello?"

There was no response.

"Hello?"

"Howdy, Freckles!"

She sank into a nearby chair. "Oh no, not you…"

"What? You ain't happy to hear from me?"

"I don't have enough energy for you right now, okay?" she told him, "Well, what do you want, Sawyer?"

"'What do you want'?" he repeated, "Jesus, Freckles, I just bought you outta the slammer! How about, 'Thank you, Sawyer'? Or 'That was awfully kind of you'? Or even 'I wanna have your baby', that's always good to hear."

Frowning, Kate shook her head. "You always were a real people person."

"What can I say, Sugarpop? It's a gift."

She rolled her eyes. "So, what's going on?"

There was a pause. Then-

"I need your help."

"Oh really?" asked Kate, "With what?"

"Baby, there's so much that you just _can't_ say when you're talkin' to someone at the station. It's just so damn convenient they stuck you in the Tennessee branch of the federal prison, as I'm just in nearby Knoxville. I'll tell you what; I'll send my driver to pick you up in my limo, and then you can swing by my mansion, okay?"

Kate raised an eyebrow. "You have a _limo_? And a _mansion_?"

"Long story, Freckles. You'll hear it tonight, I promise you that."

"Why are you asking me?" she inquired, ignoring him.

She could almost see him smirking on the other end of the line, looking out of place in the huge mansion, unshaven, casually dressed, dirty-blond hair in need of a trim. "'Cause you're the only person in the world I ever want to talk to."

Kate placed her free hand on her forehead. "I take that to mean that _I'm _the only person who would _ever_ talk to _you_."

"Woah there, Baby Doll!" he exclaimed, "Now I've met some disagreeable chicks in my day, but that was just plain _mean_. The slammer must've been rough on you!"

"No, they serve you breakfast in bed and every cell has an en suite spa."

"Well then, you'll adjust quickly to life at Chateau Ford- what a cryin' shame you'll be headin' off to Australia so soon."

"WHAT!"

"Well, let's face it, Freckles- you _do_ owe me a little somthin'. 'Sides, what's a favor between old friends?"

-

Even though he'd received quite an earful from Kate, Sawyer couldn't help but smile as he hung up the phone. It'd been a while since he and old Freckles had had a good talk- it was long overdue.

"Well, you heard me, Parker," he told his chauffer, who had been sitting in a nearby chair reading the paper, "You gotta swing by the old slammer and pick up the pretty little lady."

"You do seriously want me to go to the jail, Mr. Ford?" Parker replied, "I had thought that you were only making a joke."

Sawyer smiled. "Well, you thought wrong. Now go get her- Kate Austen."

-

After a much-needed shower, haircut, and change of clothes, Kate found herself in the backseat of a long black stretch limo that belonged, strangely enough, to a womanizing redneck con artist who had probably never finished high school.

"You don't have a gun, do you, Miss Austen?" asked the driver, somewhat worried.

Rolling her eyes, she shook her head. "Even if I did, your boss knows how to take care of himself."

He nodded. "Yes, Mr. Ford is a strong, intelligent man."

She wasn't exactly sure if she agreed with his statement or not, but she smiled and nodded politely like any recently-released murderer on route to the home of an apparently wealthy acquaintance, whom she had originally had pegged as one of those people who worked on-and-off jobs at fast-food restaurants when they weren't pulling heartless and unprovoked scams for inordinate amounts of money, most of which was spent on alcohol, cigarettes, and dirty magazines.

Finally, they pulled up in front of the iron gate of what was easily the largest house that Kate had ever seen. Even some of the celebrity-owned mansions shown on _Entertainment Tonight_ sometimes weren't as big or beautiful as this one.

"I have brought Miss Austen," the chauffer told the guard in the small station by the gate.

He nodded. "Miss Austen, would you please roll down your window? Mr. Ford is on the house phone."

Biting her lip, Kate pressed the button beside her arm, let the window slowly retract into the car door, and took the phone from the guard.

"Freckles," Sawyer greeted from the other end of the line.

She rolled her eyes and smiled,almost like amother whose child had just gotten stuck in a tree after being told not to climb it would. "Sawyer."

The video camera positioned at the top of the gate moved. "You're grinnin', Freckles- happy to be here ain't ya? You just been _dyin'_ to see me, haven't ya?"

"Yeah, I'm dying," she agreed with a sigh, "Just open the gate and let's get this over with."

The gate began to open. "That's just what I like to hear, baby!"

A/N: Sorry if they're a bit out of character at this point- I just figured Kate would be a bit irate after spending some time in prison, and Sawyer… well, he's "a complex guy" (Pilot- Part 2). Anyway, this is my first intelligent(ish) fanfic, so please review- I'll return.


	2. The Ford Family Fortune

The Art of Getting Even

By Dinuriel

Disclaimer: Yeah, I own it. I live in a huge mansion in Hawaii. Josh Holloway, Evangeline Lilly, and all the other cast members come to my cocktail parties. I am a multi-millionaire. OR I don't own it. I live in a regular-sized house in Alberta. My buddies come over to my house one at a time to play video games. I have thirty-seven cents in my jacket pocket and two fives in my wallet. Any guesses?

Summary: Post-island. So maybe no normal person would ever buy an old acquaintance out of jail just to get revenge on some conman… but since when has Sawyer been a normal person?

A/N: Wow, I'm already way more popular on FanFiction than I am on FictionPress. Four reviews on the first day, five for the first chapter… it took me a week to get my first FictionPress one, and that was from a friend. They really hate me over there for some unexplained reason (although I guess it evens out, because here everyone hates my friend and she's really loved on FictionPress, although for some reason her worse story has more reviews than her better one- sorry Doritos, just telling the truth, Fire Eye kicks Immortal ass any day!). Anyway, I want to thank all those who reviewed:

**sillyya: **Yeppers, I got you covered. Here is your update.

**steam rolled harry potter: **I'm flattered that you're so enthusiastic. Also, I really like your name (for those of you who didn't know, it's from the episode _Deus Ex Machina_, Hurley referring to Sawyer's new glasses).

**Cine: **Thanks. I'm grateful that you stuck with it despite the fact you didn't have faith in the description (I'll be the first to admit I'm no good at summaries and descriptions). You'll find out where the money came from in this chapter- although both your guesses were good.

**domaholic17: **Wow- we're both speechless. I hope this update doesn't disappoint you.

**KateLilly: **I'm glad you think it's funny- and the weird thing is, I never even intended it to be funny. Weird how things work out sometimes, eh?

Chapter Two: The Ford Family Fortune

Sawyer grinned at Kate's expression when she saw him.

"Oh my God!" she exclaimed, "You actually own a _suit_?"

"You learn somethin' new every day, Freckles," he replied, pulling her into a quick, but firm hug, "In your case, you're gonna learn a few new things today."

"Uhuh, yeah, that's nice, now would you let go of me?"

Sighing, he backed off and collapsed into his seat at the head of the dining room table.

"Take a seat, Sassafras."

She slumped into the seat across from him, biting her lip.

"Where'd you get all the money?" she asked, "You conned a bunch of people, didn't you? Robbed a bank? Listen, Sawyer, I _know _this isn't your money! You're nothing but a criminal!"

"Think about where _you _just came from!" he snapped back, "Anyway, gettin' you outta there wasn't cheap, so you better be grateful!"

Kate frowned. "How much did I cost, Sawyer?"

He shot her a quick glance. "Let's just say the Pittsburgh Penguins won't be movin' to Knoxville any time soon."

She raised an eyebrow. "You're buying a _hockey team_?"

"Not anymore," he answered bitterly, "So, you wanna know where the money came from? I'll tell you."

Feeling some anger well up inside of him, Sawyer turned around and called for his devoted assistant and resident computer genius of the entire time since the island.

"Sayid!"

-

Kate could hardly believe her eyes when the Iraqi made his entrance.

"Sayid!" she exclaimed, running up and hugging him.

"Good to see you too, Kate," Sayid greeted, returning the embrace.

Sawyer frowned. "Oh, so you're happy to see _him_. Lemme tell you somethin', Freckles, this guy didn't fork over a penny to the 'Get Kate out of Jail Fund'."

"Well, you wouldn't have had the money if it weren't for me," retorted Sayid, "Allow me to explain Sawyer's wealth. To start, all of us received five thousand dollars compensation from Oceanic Airlines after our rescue. You did too, Kate- they sent it directly to your bank account."

"But five grand wouldn't have got you out of jail," added Sawyer, "Not to mention, cover the house, the car, and everything else I got around here. Nope. But you remember that confidence man I told you about way back when?"

"The guy who ripped off your parents?" Kate replied, "Yeah. Sawyer."

Sayid nodded. "Well, I went to Los Angeles to find my lost love, Nadia- and to discover that she was already married with three children. However, after what happened with Shannon, I was happy for her."

"Yeah, _real happy_," Sawyer muttered, "So happy you threw a rock through her kitchen window. Tell me, Mohammed; do they do that in Iraq?"

Kate shook her head. "Sawyer, shut up."

"Thank you," acknowledged Sayid, "Having nothing else to do, I went to Tennessee with Sawyer, who needed someone to help him track down the Ford family fortune."

"Family fortune?" she repeated.

"All the money that the bastard took," Sawyer explained, "Me and Sayid, we tracked down every cent he spent through all those years, and, by some means, we got it all back- at least, all of it that wasn't still in his possession. Too bad the man's a saver."

Kate raised an eyebrow. "So this isn't all the money?"

Sawyer shook his head. "Hell, no. Freckles, my old man was one of the wealthiest oil dukes in the States before Sawyer came along. Add the inflation, and I'm a rich man, baby! Unfortunately, the thief's blown barely a quarter of the money."

"So this is only a _fourth _of what you're supposed to have?" Kate demanded in disbelief.

"A bit more, seein' as old Hurley got me into the stock market," admitted Sawyer, "but I still don't have my rightful inheritance, so you're gonna help me get it, okay?"

"What!"

"Mr. Ford?"

A well-dressed, balding, uppity-looking butler had entered the room.

"Your dinner has arrived. I took the liberty of ordering your preferred meal, sir."

Sawyer nodded. "Thank you, Timmons. Send 'em in."

Timmons bowed dutifully, then left in a stiff fashion.

Kate wondered what to expect. Roast beef? Duck? Goose? Maybe even pheasant? Of course, it would be wheeled in on carts by chefs in spotless white coats, and probably hidden under those fancy dome-shaped silver lids (A/N: Hey, my genius brother with the PhD doesn't know what those are called. If anyone here knows, please tell me!).

The butler then returned, escorting a guy in a red button-up shirt who was carrying a large bucket bearing the face of a certain Colonel Sanders.

"_Kentucky Fried Chicken_!" she hissed.

"What, it's 'finger-lickin' good'!" insisted Sawyer.

"Uh, actually, they changed it," interrupted the delivery guy, "We're now 'Chicken Capital USA'."

Sawyer raised an eyebrow. "Really? Now that's just _lame_! Tell you what, son- take this hundred dollar tip and tell your boss to mention to the franchise owners that James Ford will pay 'em five million to change it back, okay?"

The young man smiled. "Hear you loud and clear, Mr. Ford!"

He then gave Sawyer the bucket of chicken in exchange for the twenty and the hundred.

"Keep the change."

"Thank you, sir."

Kate smiled and shook her head as the delivery boy left, a hundred dollars richer. "It must be nice to have so much money you can just throw it away like that and not even care."

"Yeah, it's pretty wonderful," agreed Sawyer, "but I still want the rest of my money."

She sighed. "What's your plan, Sawyer?"

Sayid handed her a plane ticket and a renewed passport. "We went through the trouble of getting this for you."

Nodding, Kate looked at the ID and frowned. "Why does it say Katherine _Ford_?"

"We'll correct it after we get the money back," Sawyer assured her, "You see, here's the plan. Sayid tracked down the guy usin' the computer, and found out he'd settled down in his mansion in Sydney, but he'll still go after a pretty rich lady if she got enough money. So you'll go down their, and casually run into him at the local bar- he'll be there, he's a regular fixture."

"I can do that," she agreed reluctantly, "but the name-?"

Sawyer removed from his pocket two rings, one a solid gold band and one set with a large, flawless diamond. "You'll be posing as my wife."

"No!" she exclaimed.

He smiled. "Freckles, I bought you outta jail."

"You're never going to let me forget it, are you?" she hissed.

"Not a chance, Honeycake."

Reluctantly, she slid both rings onto her finger. She had to admit, the diamond ring was the most beautiful engagement ring she'd ever seen.

"I don't have to actually…" she began apprehensively.

Sawyer was one step ahead of her. "That's disgusting, no way. While you're in my care, the only man I'll let you do _that _with is me, okay? You just flirt with him, tease him, play hard-to-get, and lead him back here to me. Don't you worry about a thing, Chiquita- he's not your man, I am."

"I don't know whether to thank you or hit you."

"Why don't you hit _on _me?"

She rolled her eyes. "Thank you."

"You're welcome."

"I don't mean to interrupt," interjected Sayid, "but I think this chicken is getting cold."

"Oh. Right."

And so it was that three reunited survivors of the wreck of the Oceanic flight 815 were sitting in the dining room of the mansion of a Mr. James Ford, finishing off a twelve-piece bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken.

-

"So, the guest suite is right down the hallway, last room on your left," Sawyer informed Kate as they arrived on the second floor landing, "Sayid's next door, and I'm right above you, so if you need anything, pound on either the wall or the ceiling- but preferably the wall, unless you want-"

"Don't finish that sentence!" she interrupted.

Sawyer sighed. Kate was mean right out of jail.

"Why can't I just stay at a hotel?" his guest continued.

"Think about it, Freckles," he answered, "How many hotels would let a lady fresh outta the slammer spend a night or two?"

"Well, if I stay in your guest suite, I'll feel like your guest," explained Kate, "Anywhere else I can sleep?"

Wanting to annoy her, Sawyer smiled. "My room."

She then stormed right down the hallway and into the last room on her left.

A/N: Yep, Sawyer's a perv… but that's why we all love him (well, that and his sexy hair and accent). Hopefully the KFC thing wasn't too much for you… but I just hate that new slogan. Anyway, please continue to review, and I hope you stick with this story.


	3. Never Been In Love

The Art of Getting Even

By Dinuriel

Disclaimer: If I owned it, you wouldn't be reading this fic today. Also, I do not own the song "Baby Got Back", that is owned by Sir Mix-A-Lot.

Summary: Post-island. So maybe no normal person would ever buy an old acquaintance out of jail just to get revenge on some conman… but since when has Sawyer been a normal person?

A/N: Wow, I love this website! Everyone here is so nice and actually _reads and reviews _my stuff :) ! I love you people!

**Cait: **I'm glad you like it so much. Don't worry, Sawyer will definitely hit on Kate a lot more in later chapters… and she will actually start to respond in a positive way. You also read my mind for the general idea beginning of this chapter.

**Dee Lee: **Yeah, I've always had a thing for randomness. I know for sure that Sun and Jack will make appearances, and most likely Hurley, Jin, Charlie, and Claire. I'll definitely try to get everyone else in somehow, but I can't promise anything.

**KateLilly: **Hey, that's two reviews from you! Thanks for staying with me through both chapters. Yeah, I knew I had to get Sayid in somehow- apart from Sawyer and Kate, he's probably my favorite character.

**sillyya: **Another with two reviews! Thank you so much! I'm glad you liked the chicken thing. I always figured Sawyer was one of those people who ate a ton of junk and never gained any weight, I don't know why. Yeah, those lid things… I'm not sure if they even _have _a name, nobody knows.

**nefftys: **Thanks for reading and reviewing. And yes, the fic will go on.

**Jen: **Yeah, as a guy who likes pop-culture reference, I think he'd be fairly sensitive about companies changing their slogans. I'm having fun with him having so much money, the possibilities are endless.

**Japanimeniac: **Yeah, he's not _quite _as bad as you- you are still the ultimate perv, and I know you're very proud of that. And you're right, it does all even out. And don't worry, a lot of people hate me personally. But thank you for not hating the fic.

Sorry if this fic doesn't get updated as frequently from this point forward- I'm usually not this quick of a writer. Also, weekends are my busiest times, so, surprisingly, expect more from me on weekdays. Anyway, here's the third chapter- unfortunately, not much to do with the plot, but some fluff for all of you. Enjoy!

Chapter Three: Never Been In Love

"Morning."

Sawyer pushed his new, _symmetrical_ reading glasses onto his forehead and looked up to see Kate standing in front of him, wearing a pair of flannel pajamas.

"Damn, you found the PJ's," he sighed.

Kate smiled playfully. "You really think I would've worn the lingerie you left me?"

"I was hopin' so."

She laughed, then sat down across from him.

"I'm sorry if I was kind of rude yesterday," she apologized, "I _am_ thankful, really. I was just…"

"It's okay," he insisted.

The two of them sat in silence for a moment, occasionally one of them sending a glance the other's way.

Finally, Kate spoke. "Those glasses look good on you."

Sawyer laughed quickly and quietly. "Yeah. A lot better than the ones old Jacko prescribed, huh?"

"They didn't look too bad," she assured him.

"Let's face it," he concluded, rolling his eyes and smiling, "they did."

"Can you see Jack in them?" asked Kate suddenly.

The two of them then burst out laughing.

"You see, this is fun," she ventured after a while, "Remember back on the island, when we'd go off on our own and make fun of Jack?"

Grinning, Sawyer shook his head. "And if I remember correctly, you and _Jack _would sometimes go off on your own and make fun of _me_."

Kate glanced down at the table. "Well, you're easy to make fun of."

"How so?" he inquired.

"Well, for starters, you speak with an accent," she explained, "not to mention, you've been carrying that letter around for so long-"

"Wait a minute!" exclaimed Sawyer, "You told the Doc about the letter!"

"…and boars are aggravated by your cologne," Kate finished quickly.

Sawyer opened his mouth to tell her that he didn't wear cologne, but was interrupted by the soft sound of approaching footsteps.

"_Dear Mr. Sawyer_," came Sayid's voice, "_You don't know who I am, but I know who you are, and I know what you done. You had-_"

"WHERE THE HELL DID YOU FIND THAT!"

Sayid, who had just entered, frowned. "It was on your dresser. I was curious as to what it was."

"Why were you in _my _bedroom?" demanded Sawyer.

"I have a date tonight," Sayid explained, "I wanted to borrow some of you cologne."

Sawyer scowled. "_I don't wear cologne_!"

"Yes you do," argued Kate and Sayid in unison.

"Yeah, well… whatever. Let's hear about this girl- she cute?"

"That's what I am hoping," replied Sayid, "You see, Charlie set me up- a girl Claire used to work with. She recently moved to America, so naturally, Charlie gave me her number."

Kate frowned. "So you're still in touch with all the others?"

Sawyer nodded. "Most of 'em. Hurley's around, moved out here after a whole neighborhood in Los Angeles blew up- thought he was the cause of it. Jin and Sun stayed in the States, sometimes seems like they live over here, they visit so much. Charlie and Claire are in Sydney- the two of them got another one cookin', if I heard right."

"Michael and Walt are in New York," added Sayid, "I think Libby moved there too. Of course, Locke and Eko stayed on the island, as you recall. We've lost track of Jack and Ana Lucia."

"Probably living together," snarled Kate in a tone Sawyer could only describe as bitter.

"Hey, lighten up, Sweetcheeks," he chided, "Whatcha gettin' all worked up over? So your old boyfriend's got a new girlfriend, big deal."

She shrugged.

He smiled. "I'll tell you what, Freckles- for what it's worth, you're a lot hotter than her…"

"Thanks," she replied, now smiling slightly.

"…and I'm a lot hotter than him."

Kate opened her mouth to reply, but was interrupted by the telephone, ringtonemimicking thetune of "Baby Got Back" by Sir Mix-A-Lot.

Sighing, Sayid picked up the phone. "Ford residence. Yes… yes… okay, good, thank you. I'll tell him. Goodbye."

"Who was it?" asked Sawyer, folding up the paper and setting it near the center of the table for either of the other two to grab.

"Your travel agent," answered the Iraqi, "She called to inform you that despite your deportation from Australia, the airline accepted your credit card for Kate and Sun's tickets."

Kate looked up. "Sun's coming with me?"

"Yeah, I figured you'd want some company, and you two are friends, right?"

"Yeah," she replied, "Thanks."

"Not a problem, Sassafras."

Sayid yawned. "What I'd really like to know is why you couldn't have just had Sun pretend to be your wife and go to Australia, flirt with this guy and bring him back here."

"She's married, you idiot," Sawyer informed him, putting his hand to his face in exasperation, "Do you honestly think Jin would let her do that? 'Sides, gave us an excuse to get Freckles outta the pen."

Shrugging, Sayid got up. "Well, I have to go buy a suit for my date- we are meeting at an upscale place, and unfortunately, I can't steal one of yours because you are at least three inches taller than me, and I am not entirely sure as to whether or not you wear underwear."

Sawyer stood. "Excuse me, Allah," he began, quite offended, "I'm _four _inches taller than you."

"If you say so."

As soon as Sayid had left, Kate shook her head. "You _do _wear underwear, don't you?"

"Yeah," he assured her, "Most of the time."

"Oh."

This was followed by an awkward silence, until she ventured, "Just for my own peace of mind, you're wearing some now, right?"

Here came another period of awkward silence.

"I'll be right back," promised Sawyer, quickly rushing out of the kitchen.

-

Later that afternoon, Kate found herself lounging by the pool in Sawyer's backyard wearing the only women's swimsuit she could find- a skimpy black bikini. However, it fit just fine, and hadn't been used much- plus, it didn't cover a lot. After spending a few years in prison, some people find it necessary to do a bit of tanning, and as it turns out, Kate Austen was one of them.

"Well, well, well," came Sawyer's voice from the door, "Lookin' good, Freckles."

She slowly pulled a towel over herself. "Sawyer."

He pulled off his shirt and made himself comfortable on the chaise lounge beside her. "Need some company?"

"Clearly your generosity knows no bounds," she chided, "Where were you?"

"Travel agency with Jin," he answered, "Finalizing your travel plans."

Kate nodded. "So what's happening with those?"

Sawyer casually rolled onto his side to face her. "Well, you and Sun are goin' to Sydney for two weeks- I figure that should be plenty of time to get that old son of a bitch to mark 'ya. Then you'll come back here for a few days, I'll get my money, and we head down to California, right?"

"California?" she repeated, frowning.

He shrugged. "You said you never been to Disneyland- so I'm takin' 'ya."

Smiling, Kate found herself looking back on that night, that night during which she had agreed to play a campfire game of 'I Never' with Sawyer in exchange for some alcohol. Surprisingly, she could remember a lot of the personal information they'd exchanged.

For starters, they'd _both _killed a man.

Neither had ever voted Democrat- in fact, Kate had never voted.

Kate had never worn pink. Sawyer had. Sawyer had never been married. Kate had. Kate had never had a one-night stand. Sawyer had- _plenty_ of them.

Kate had never been to Disneyland.

Sawyer had never been in love.

"Hey, Sawyer," she began, "If we played that game all over again… would any of your answers be any different?"

Biting his lip, he glanced down at the ground briefly, then back at her. "I… don't know."

She nodded, getting up and accidentally brushing her hand against his.

He looked up at her. "Maybe."

A/N: So that was the fluffy chapter (but still no hints of lemony freshness, sorry). Next chapter, Kate and Sun go down under, Sawyer can't stop calling, and we find out how Sayid's date went :P . Anyway, keep leaving the nice reviews! Hope to have the next chapter posted soon!


	4. The Right Words

The Art of Getting Even

By Dinuriel

Disclaimer: I think it's been well established that no one on this site owns _Lost_.

Summary: Post-island. So maybe no normal person would ever buy an old acquaintance out of jail just to get revenge on some conman… but since when has Sawyer been a normal person?

A/N: Yeah, you people are definitely a lot more generous with your praise than a lot of those FictionPress freeloaders. Let's see…

**Broadway-gurl: **:) Hey dude, how's it going (a friend)? Glad you like the story, and that's a good point. Hey everyone! If this fic says something that offends you, please know that it is not in any way intentional and that this is just meant to be a work of fiction, no deeper meanings or symbolism or any of that crap (I think that should be reserved for the philosophy textbooks- if someone writes a book just for the sake of giving a deeper meaning, then that's just a waste of time). Hope to see you around soon!

**Jen: **Excellent, another one in the multiple review club:) Yeah, I just had to throw that part in, I got the idea and it seemed too good to pass up. I hope you continue to enjoy!

**domaholic17: **Yay! Another multiple-reviewer:) Who knows, another game of "I Never" may be in the near future… just wait and see.

**Cait: **Wow, you people are all sticking with me! That's great:) Excellent that you got an account- now I can review your stuff too. Sorry this update took so long, I've been so busy. Hope you enjoy your time away though.

**Dee Lee: **And that makes five people in the multiple review club:) Welcome! Yeppers, Sayid dates… but maybe not as successfully as he would hope. The answer is revealed in this chapter. Yeah, I really enjoyed writing the last bit. If I post any more fics after this one, they'll probably all have Sawyer as one of the main characters because there are so many angles you can explore him from: Sawyer the victim, Sawyer the pervert, Sawyer the conman, Sawyer the romantic… I'm trying to get as many sides of him in here as I can, and I think the last part helped a bit.

**GirlofthePirates: **Yeppers, Charlie and Claire have a baby on the way… maybe Kate will see them in Australia. Who knows?

I'm so sorry for the over-abundance of smileys in this A/N- I'm just so happy with you people:) So happy, in fact, that I am giving you now… CHAPTER FOUR:)

Chapter Four: The Right Words

"Well, looks like we got here pretty early," Kate muttered as she put down her suitcase beside the bench in the terminal.

Sawyer nodded. "And here I was, thinkin' you'd be on that plane in no time."

"Kate! Sawyer!"

Kate looked up to see her friend from the island, Sun, running toward them, followed by her husband Jin.

"Sun! Jin!" she exclaimed as she quickly embraced both of them, "How have you been?"

"Well, my father died," began Sun. Noticing Kate's sympathetic glance, she added, "but he left Jin his company, which we now base here. We're now almost as rich as Sawyer, but Hurley is still the richest of us."

"By my calculations, he won't be once Sawyer gets the money back."

Sayid had arrived.

"Well, well, well, if it ain't old Casanova," Sawyer began, "Tell me, Romeo, how'd your little date go?"

"It wasn't the best," Sayid groaned, collapsing onto the bench.

Sawyer raised an eyebrow. "How so?"

"It started out just fine," the Iraqi started, "We had fun at dinner, had lots in common. She invited me back to her apartment, where I discovered…"

"Yes?" Jin pressed. Clearly, he had learned English.

"She beats her dog!" he exclaimed, "Even _Sawyer_, the most absolutely evil bastard in the world, doesn't do that!"

"I'm flattered," muttered Sawyer under his breath.

"And that's not all," Sayid continued, "She had a stash of cocaine in there!"

Sun gasped. "Oh, Sayid… I'm so sorry."

Sayid shrugged. "It's okay. Somewhere out there is the perfect girl… actually, two perfect girls. One of them is married with kids just outside of Los Angeles and the other is buried on an island in the middle of nowhere!"

Jin nodded. "Just face it- you and Sawyer. You no lucky. Not like me," he added, wrapping his arms around Sun and hugging her tightly.

"_Attention, passengers,_" crooned the voice over the intercom, "_Would all first class passengers on flight 518 to Sydney please make their way to the gate? We are boarding in approximately one minute._"

Sawyer handed a ticket to both Kate and Sun, who quickly gave her husband a kiss goodbye and made her way to where the other first class passengers were lined up.

"First class?" asked Kate apprehensively, looking at the seat number, "Sawyer, do you remember the island? None of the first class passengers made it."

"It ain't Oceanic, baby," he assured her with a grin, "and even if it were, they'd done a thing or two so as to keep their planes on track."

"Planes on track?" muttered Sayid, "Are you sure you're not thinking of trains?"

"It's a figure of speech, Abdul!" Sawyer snapped.

He then turned back to Kate, gently cupped his hand on her cheek, began to lean in, and…

_SMACK!_

He had been hit in the back of the head with a handbag.

"What the hell?" he questioned, turning around.

The culprit was a young blond woman, obviously rich, and judging by the ring on her finger, married to guy who, judging by the other ring, was also obviously rich.

"Sawyer!" she exclaimed angrily.

"Uh… just a sec…" he told her, "Don't tell me… Caitlin?"

The woman's scowl deepened. Kate shook her head.

"Stephanie?"

"No!" she snapped, "I didn't expect you to remember my name, you redneck bastard! You didn't even remember to call me the morning after we-"

"Okay, that's enough, just go along now… Sheila, isn't it?"

She hit him one last time, then stormed off.

Smiling somewhat less confidently than usual, Sawyer turned back to Kate. "Long story, Freckles," he explained, leaning in once again…

_SMACK!_

This time, he had been hit in the back of the head with a magazine.

"Now, what in God's name was that about?" demanded Sawyer, turning around once again.

The culprit was a young brunette woman, obviously rich, and judging by the ring on her finger, married to guy who, judging by the other ring, was also obviously rich.

"Sawyer!" she shrieked.

Sawyer frowned. "Shannon?"

"You idiot, Shannon was _my _girlfriend," sighed Sayid from the bench.

"Why didn't you call me?" the woman demanded, "We had such a great time together! And I was all prepared for a great second date, but then you never called and I was stuck having dinner with my husband instead!"

"Yeah, sorry about that…" he apologized hurriedly, his face tense with concentration, "…Stella?"

Rolling her eyes, she hit him again then began to walk away.

Sawyer snapped his fingers. "Victoria!" he yelled after her.

"Not even close, you son of a bitch!"

"Don't mind her, baby," he told Kate, "She don't know what she's talking about."

Raising an eyebrow, Kate grimaced. "I'm sure…"

He tried to kiss her once more, this time interrupted by a tap on the shoulder…

"OKAY, MAYBE I NEVER CALLED YOU, SO WHAT?" he hollered, wheeling around angrily, "IT'S ALL IN THE PAST, AIN'T IT? 'SIDES, YOU'RE MARRIED! WHAT THE HELL DID YOU EVER NEED ME FOR? I DIDN'T MEAN NOTHING TO YOU! NOTHING!"

"Uh… Sawyer?" Kate asked, "I don't think that's the case this time…"

He looked at her quizzically, then at all the silent people in the terminal, all of whom were staring at him, and then, finally, at the little old man he had just finished yelling at.

"Uh… can I help you?" he asked, glancing around self-consciously.

"I just came over here to tell you that they're almost done boarding," the man insisted, adjusting his bifocals.

"Okay… uhm, thanks."

Kate quickly hugged Sawyer, Sayid, and Jin, then dashed to the plane just as Sawyer told the others, "I'm gonna go see if it's possible to drown yourself in a toilet."

"What took you so long?" asked Sun as Kate collapsed into the seat beside her.

"Funny story," Kate began to explain, "You see-"

Sun's cell phone rang.

"Just a second," her friend promised, flipping the top of the phone up, "Hello?"

She handed it to Kate. "It's for you."

Shrugging, she took the phone and pressed it to her ear. "Hello?"

"Hey, Freckles! It's me."

Kate smiled. "Hi."

"How's the flight so far?"

"Sawyer, we're not even off the ground yet!" she exclaimed, trying hard not to laugh.

"I know- I can see you from here."

She looked out the window. Sure enough, he was staring right at her from the terminal, talking into his own cell phone.

"Just wanted to make sure you were comfortable- it's a long flight, Sassafras."

"Yes, I'm comfortable. Thanks for buying first class."

"Only the best for you, Sweetheart," Sawyer replied. She could see him grinning.

"Kate," Sun addressed her, "The instructional video is on."

She nodded. "Got to go, we're taking off soon."

"What?" he demanded. She glanced at him through the window- he appeared rather shocked. "Freckles, you can't hang up on me, girl!"

"Sorry, Sawyer," she apologized.

"But-"

Kate pressed the button, then handed the phone back to Sun, who giggled.

"What's so funny?" asked Kate, one eyebrow raised.

"Jin used to do that all the time," she answered, "I at first thought it was annoying- then I married him."

-

"You think she's okay?"

"I'm sure she is."

"I don't know… I haven't really been too trustin' of airplanes since the island…"

"As you said, it is not likely to happen again."

Sawyer was still unconvinced. "I think I'll call her again," he decided, grabbing his cell phone and pressing the redial button.

"You just hung up with her two minutes ago!" Sayid exclaimed, "And you're _driving_!"

He wasn't listening.

"Sawyer, stop calling!" pleaded Kate on the other end, "This is the _eleventh time_!Sooner or later, everyone's going to be asleep and the phone's going to wake them up!"

"I'm just worried about you," insisted Sawyer as Sayid reached in front of him and grabbed the steering wheel, pulling them out of the way of a particularly large semi-truck, "Come on, baby- I'm sweet, right?"

She sighed. "You're very sweet. Sweet like a dessert."

"You like desserts, Freckles?"

There was a pause. Then-

"Not really."

"Oh."

And here he was thinking she liked him. But she didn't.

"Listen, I gotta go," he told her as Sayid maneuvered out of another potential crash, "Sayid's backseat drivin'… well, actually, passenger seat drivin', technically."

"_You're _hanging up on _me_?" she demanded, "That's different."

Sawyer nodded. "I guess it's just one of 'em roll reversals. See ya 'round, Kate."

He hung up before she could say goodbye.

"Hand over the wheel, Muhammed," he sighed, "Only I'm allowed to drive the Ferrari, remember?"

"Am I hearing right?" demanded Sayid as he took his hands off the wheel, leaving Sawyer to fend for himself against the approaching garbage truck, "Did _James Ford _just get _rejected_?"

Gritting his teeth, Sawyer pulled over to the curb and opened the door. "I think Sayid Jarrah's about to get _e_jected."

"Hardy har har," groaned Sayid as he stepped onto the sidewalk, "You are a riot."

"Whatever," Sawyer growled, speeding off. "So long, sucker!" he yelled back, "And I think you scratched my car!"

-

Kate sighed. She was the only passenger still awake- all of the others had drifted off to sleep at least half an hour ago.

She felt bad about hanging up on Sawyer so many times. After all, he had just been checking up on her- surely it just showed that he cared.

She opened her backpack, which sat on the floor by her feet, and pulled out her book, accidentally causing a piece of paper to fall from on top of it and onto Sun's foot. Kate frowned; she'd never packed a piece of paper.

Curious, she carefully picked it up and unfolded it.

_Kate,_

_I put this in your backpack when I put when I loaded it into the trunk- clever, huh? I knew when I'd get the opportunity. That's me- always the opportunist. I don't know why I'm writing this. I've only written one other letter in my life, and that was when I was eight, so maybe don't judge my brains from this, okay, Sassafras? Just thought I'd give you something to read on the plane… wait, you have that book, _How to Nab a Doctor _or whatever. Damn, Freckles- the truth is, I'm crazy about you, baby. That's why I think only you could help me- you're the only one whose help I want (people like Sayid, their help I actually need). Well, I need yours too… I have no idea what the hell I'm talking about. That's what you do to me, girl- when I'm thinking of you, I can't think of nothing else. So anyway… you're the only one who really gets me, I think. Like I said all that time ago on the island, we have a connection, you and me. I don't know what the hell it is, but I ain't about to deny it. You and me… we're outcasts. We ain't about to turn on each other- that's how I know you're the only one I can trust._

_There's something else I wanna say to you, but I can't find the right words. I don't know what it is I want to say to you, because I think about you like I never thought of no one else before._

_Hell, Freckles- I love you._

_-James Ford_

_a.k.a. Sawyer_

A/N: And, finally, there was chapter four. Okay, any of you who have reviewed, if you have something posted and I haven't reviewed anything of yours, please tell me, okay? I want to reward you all for being so kind to me. I'll try to get chapter five done ASAP, but I've been super busy lately, so I can't promise anything, unfortunately. Please continue to read and review. Thanks!


	5. More Family

The Art of Getting Even

By Dinuriel

Disclaimer: Nope, still haven't saved enough money to buy _Lost_. Oh, and just from a few chapters back, I don't own KFC (forgot to put that). I also don't own _American Idol_, the song 'I'm Too Sexy', or an mp3 player that holds more than thirty songs (sad, I know). But I DO own Ferdinand the albino lobster.

Summary: Post-island. So maybe no normal person would ever buy an old acquaintance out of jail just to get revenge on some conman… but since when has Sawyer been a normal person?

A/N: Wow, I am getting tons of reviews here! Right now, the review per chapter average is higher than five, which is what I usually aim for (and miss by a lot). Thank you to all of you:

**Jen: **I'm glad you like it so much so far- you keep leaving such nice reviews:) Here's some more for you.

**lina: **Wow, really? I'm flattered that you think so highly of my writing style. I hope the story keeps holding your interest.

**CowboyswithDimples: **I can't tell you how thankful I am for all your reviews. Yes, he's pretty sexy, hey? I'll try to get as much posted as my busy schedule permits.

**Emilia: **Best fic you've ever read? Wow! Thanks! Glad you like it so far!

**GirlofthePirates:**Happy to hear you liked it. Yep, I read the fic- very nice. Anyone else have any fics they want me to read?

**Stardust4981: **Yep, Sawyer's wealth was inevitable from a few episodes into the series. He's just too hot to be poor forever. Boone too, but he's dead now :'(. Glad you like the characters so far.

**domaholic17: **Here's the update. This one's not as cute, sorry.

**skater23: **Yeah, sorry. I've been on vacation, so I haven't had much of a chance to get this done, sorry. Hopefully this one's up to your standards though.

And as a thank you to you all, here is chapter five! Sorry it wasn't up sooner, I was in the Dominican Republic for two weeks (I said it on my profile, but no one looks at that, so you can be mad at me if you want). If it's any consolation, I got really burnt and not tanned at all. Bad karma. Anyway, just as a warning, this chapter isn't really too important to the plot, just introducing a sort of subplot that I need my reader's advice on… and of course, the albino lobster.

Chapter Five: More Family

She read it again. And again. And again. Her book lay untouched beside her- all she could look at was the letter.

The last line, she read over even more carefully.

_Hell, Freckles- I love you. _

She thought back to their game of "I Never".

_I never been in love. _

_You've never been in love? _

_I ain't drinking, am I? _

"Sawyer…" she sighed.

"Right beside ya, Freckles."

She turned to see him in the seat next to her where Sun had been just moments before.

"What are you doing here?" she asked in awe.

He smiled. "Told ya we had a connection."

She laughed as he drew closer… closer… closer…

"Kate?"

She woke up to see Sun sitting next to her, talking on her cell phone.

"Yes, dear, tell little Kyung-Soon I love her and that Mommy will be back shortly," she told the person on the other end- Jin, obviously, "I love you too, Jin."

"Is Sawyer there?" yawned Kate.

Sun shrugged. "Oh, wait. Is Sawyer with you?" she asked her husband, "Yes, Kate wants to talk to him. Oh, good! Love you, bye!"

"Here," she offered, handing the phone to Kate.

Smiling, she took it. "Sawyer?"

"Hey, Freckles. How's the flight so far?"

"I think I've been sleeping through most of it," she admitted, "Where are you?"

"On my private jet, heading out to the beach resort that me and Hurley made."

"WHAT!"

She could just see him smiling right now, dimples and all. "Yep, he bought half the island as soon as we got off, and after I got my money back, we pooled it and made a resort. It's the greatest little place, you gotta come sometime."

"So you're sending me to Australia to pretend to be your wife and get your money back from some old guy, while you're sipping on a strawberry daiquiri by the pool?"

"You know me, Freckles- it'd just be a plain, run-of-the-mill beer."

Kate frowned. "Who's with you?"

"Oh, a whole crowd," answered Sawyer, "Sayid, Jin, Hurley, Michael, and then Walt and little Kyung-Soon, but the kids are asleep right now. But don't you worry, Sassafras- we got you covered. We're only going to the resort because the computer lab there is one of the best on the planet… well, and the kids'll be preoccupied by all the pools and oceans and stuff. Charlie, Claire, and their two, Aaron and Amy, are meetin' us there, same with Libby."

"You'll find some way to get everyone involved, won't you?" she asked, rolling her eyes.

"Well, Freckles- there's a lot of people who owe me favors."

She grinned. "Of course."

"I gotta go, baby- call me when you get to the hotel, okay?"

"I will," promised Kate.

"The information on this guy is in your backpack. He should introduce himself as Anthony Sawyer."

"Anthony Sawyer," she repeated, "Got it."

"Bye Freckles."

"Bye Sawyer."

"No, wait a sec, sweetheart, don't hang up on-"

-

"-me," finished Sawyer to himself after Kate hung up, "Son of a-"

"Not in front of the kids, man," sighed Hurley, gesturing to the sleeping youngsters, Walt Lloyd and Kyung-Soon Kwong.

"It's not like they're awake!" Sawyer insisted.

Walt's father, Michael Dawson, stood up. "I'm bored. Is there an in-flight movie starting any time soon?"

Sawyer scowled. "I could've let you swim, you know."

"Yeah- just like you can pick the lock on a Halliburton."

"Shut up."

Jin then pointed to a machine in the corner of the cabin. "Karaoke!" he exclaimed happily.

"Oh, no," muttered Sawyer, "No, Jin- no."

"Why won't you just let him do the karaoke?" asked Sayid, looking up from his laptop.

"Don't you remember Sun's birthday party?"

Sayid fell silent. "Oh."

Michael raised an eyebrow. "I wasn't there. What happened?"

"Well, let's just say Jin won't get too far on _American Idol _with his version of 'I'm Too Sexy'," answered Sawyer, shaking his head at the thought of the frightening memory.

The other man blinked several times. "Jin? Singing?"

Jin frowned. "Hey, me good singer!"

Yawning, three-year-old Kyung-Soon sat up. "Daddy… no sing. No sing!"

Sawyer shook his head as Jin picked up his daughter and attempted to rock her back to sleep, but then noticed-

"Hurley, what the hell are you doing!"

Hurley was at the stove, standing in front of a large pot of boiling water, and over it he was dangling…

"_Ferdinand_!"

Instinctively, Sawyer rushed at the larger man, tackling him to the ground (with some difficulty), therefore rescuing the rare, expensive, and very confused albino lobster.

"Why can't I get it clear to you?" he yelled, "_Stop trying to eat my pet_!"

"But he looks so _delicious_!" moaned Hurley.

"He's _family_!" insisted Sawyer, "Even ask Sayid."

"Heh, what?" asked Sayid, "Oh, Ferdinand? He almost took my finger off. Several times, actually. But always the same finger. It's as if he has a mission."

Sawyer turned back to Hurley. "See? _Family_!"

Hurley shrugged. "Whatever dude. Can I eat him when your plan to get more family succeeds?"

"No!"

"Wait, hold on a second!" exclaimed Michael, "You're planning on getting a family?"

Sawyer glanced down at the ground. "Well, uh… maybe?"

Michael nodded. "If you want, man, you can adopt Walt."

"I don't think adoption is what Sawyer has in mind," corrected Sayid, a smile growing on his face.

"What are you talking about?" demanded Sawyer, "Of course I'm talkin' about adoption!"

Michael made eye contact with Sayid. "What's he really planning?"

"Dude," muttered Hurley, "He's gonna propose to Kate."

A/N: Nope, this proposal is not going to happen immediately, not until near the end, actually. But I introduced it now because I can't think of a good way for him to propose and want to see what you think. Again, I'm sorry this chapter took so long to get up. But like I said, I'm a slow writer. Thanks for bearing with me. Keep the reviews coming.


	6. Generally Pathetic and Unlucky in Love

The Art of Getting Even

By Dinuriel

Disclaimer: Nothing's changed since last time, I don't own _Lost_.

Summary: Post-island. So maybe no normal person would ever buy an old acquaintance out of jail just to get revenge on some conman… but since when has Sawyer been a normal person?

A/N: Oh my God, I'm sorry this took soooooooooooo long to update! Anyway, I'd like to thank all of you for continuing to review-

**CowboyswithDimples: **I'm sorry this took so insanely long. Forgive me, I beg of you (that goes for everyone else too)! But I'm glad you liked chapter 5.

**GirlofthePirates: **Yep, I just had to fit in an albino lobster. I figured Sawyer had the funny pet owner personality.

**Iselin: **Thanks for the review and e-mail. Yes, skate is so much better than jate, hey? I mean, no offense to all you jate fans, but Jack and Kate just have zero chemistry…

**domaholic17: **That's encouraging that I'm not the only one with an updating problem. Thanks for your understanding.

**Jen:**Glad you liked that part. I liked that part too and I don't usually like my own writing. I'm really worried about the proposal, but I'll think of something.

**skater23: **Don't worry, I was way harsher on me than you were. I'm not sure when he'll propose, but it'll probably be in a few chapters (my fanfics are usually short).

**bloody rock god: **Hahaha, no, you don't sound crazy. Glad you like the story so much, and thanks for all the PM's.

**nikodem: **Yeah, we all need more than just serious stuff. Sorry, the lobster isn't really in this chapter, but he will be making more appearances.

**Charley: **Here's the update- sorry it took so long. He doesn't propose right away, but it's coming.

And a special thanks to bloody rock god and Iselin for the added inspiration.

Once again, sorry this wasn't up sooner. Aside from this damn writer's block, I've been really stressed lately, if it's possible to be OD'd on school and crap. My prof gave me a god-awful mark on my composition final because "I didn't stay on the given topic", and one of my friends got a perfect score with about a billion spelling and grammatical errors, which she said would count for a lot! I think she hates me just because I'm not some bookish, sanctimonious student council type who always has their shirt tucked in. How much can you write about why it is important to understand other people without making it a boring essay? If you ask me, stories should never have underlying meanings. But noooo, whoever did more post-secondary gets the final word. Grrrrr… Well, sorry for the rant, and here you go! Oh, and this story is now an AU, since Libby and possibly Ana-Lucia will be making appearances.

Chapter Six: Generally Pathetic and Unlucky in Love

"Dude, this resort rules," Hurley told the others as soon as they arrived at the resort, "Even after all that time on the island, this beats every place me and Sawyer ever built- except maybe that chain of strip bars along the Pacific Coast."

Sawyer nodded in agreement. "Gotta love them bars. Most fun you can have in public, I gotta say."

Jin gestured to Walt and Kyung-Soon. "No in front children!"

"Hey, I'm fourteen!" Walt exclaimed angrily.

"Yeah, yeah," muttered Sawyer, rolling his eyes.

"Hurley! Everyone! Over here!"

Seated at a nearby patio table were Charlie, Claire, and their two little ones, four-year-old Aaron and two-year-old Amy. There was a noticeable bulge under Claire's tank top.

Sawyer smirked. "Looks like someone forgot the pill."

"Oh, knock it off, Sawyer!" laughed Claire, "Charlie and I want a big family, and we're not even halfway there yet!"

Charlie nodded in agreement. "We need a guitarist, a bassist, a drummer, a keyboard player, a lead singer, and two or three backup singers! That's, uh…"

Math had never been Charlie's strong point.

"Seven or eight kids?" Sayid finished for him.

"Exactly."

Claire smiled as Charlie gently brushed his lips against her cheek. "Libby's booting up the computers for you," she told the newcomers after she playfully brushed off her husband, "Sawyer, Sayid, she said she'd meet you in the storage room when she's done."

Sayid raised an eyebrow. "The storage room?"

"Well, she _is _a shrink," mused Sawyer, "Most of 'em are a few cents short of a dollar themselves. 'Sides, I need your help with something anyway."

The two of them made their way into the storage room, Sawyer closing the door behind him.

"Sayid, you're generally pathetic and unlucky in love, right?" he inquired.

"If that's the way you want to put it," snarled the Iraqi in reply, a scowl forming on his face.

"But you proposed to a lotta women?"

He knew for a fact that Sayid had. Sayid's first date success rate was about fifty percent, so he considered every second date a sign and proposed right then and there. He never got third dates.

"Yes," replied Sayid, "but none of them ever said yes, except for…"

"That stalker chick?"

"…Yeah…"

Sawyer shrugged. "Anyway, you gotta help me."

"So you don't look like a complete fool when you propose to Kate?"

"Exactly."

He pulled the ring from his pocket and handed it to Sayid, who examined it carefully. "It's much better than the ones I buy."

Sawyer grinned. "Well, that's the difference between you and me, Chico- I got money."

Sayid frowned. "I'm flattered. Now, pretend I'm Kate. Propose to me."

Feeling somewhat self-conscious, Sawyer got down on one knee. "Freckles, we been through a lot together. We been stranded on an island, captured by weirdoes, and now we're in the revenge business together. I love your beautiful, thick curls, your beautiful smile, and hell, your breasts are so-"

"Stop!" exclaimed Sayid, "_Never_ mention a woman's breasts while proposing."

"You done that?" asked Sawyer.

Sayid sighed. "Twice. Anyway, continue."

"-and hell, your _personality_ is so spectacular. A moment with you is a million times better than a thousand years with anyone else. Freckles, will ya marry me?"

Shaking his head, Sayid exhaled deeply. "No."

"Good, I wasn't asking _you_."

"No!" Sayid repeated, "You idiot! You have to use her name, if not 'my darling'."

"What's wrong with Freckles?"

"Everything. And you may want to make your speech more poetic. And watch your grammar."

"Okay."

Sawyer took a deep breath as he kneeled once more. "My darling, we have been through the sun and the rain together. We have been stranded on an island of enigmas, captured by servants of the shadow, and now we are embarking on an epic avengement. You are my world. Your thick, beautiful curls are my ocean, your eyes are my sun. When you smile, I smile, and as your heart beats, so does mine. A moment with you is an eternity with any other. My angel, you are my world; will you let me be yours? Will you marry me?"

With a tough and manly gesture, Sayid brushed away what appeared to be a drop of sweat from his eye. "Yes."

Meanwhile, Libby was standing in the storage room doorway, her mouth wide open, quite astounded by what she had just witnessed.

-

"Come on, Sawyer, pick up," Kate muttered into the cell phone. She was at the bar alone- Sun didn't drink.

"Ford-Reyes of the Pacific, how may I help you?"

It wasn't Sawyer, but Kate did know that voice.

"Libby?"

"Kate!" exclaimed Libby on the other end, "It's so great to hear from you! How's Australia?"

Kate smiled. "Not too exciting yet- haven't looked over Anthony Sawyer's info yet. How've you been?"

"Great. I'm rekindling my relationship with Hurley."

"Oh, that's wonderful! Listen, Libby, do you think I could talk to Sawyer?"

Libby paused. "Do you and him have something going on?"

Rolling her eyes, Kate laughed. "I don't know- maybe."

"Well, in that case, I hate to be the one who breaks it to you."

"Hmm?"

Kate frowned. This didn't sound good.

"Well, I was going to meet Sawyer and Sayid in the storage room, right?"

"Why the storage room?"

"Why not?" asked Libby, "Anyway, I came in, and I heard them talking-"

"Talking about what?" Kate demanded, "What's going on?"

"Well, Sawyer and Sayid-"

"Yes-?"

"Kate, they're _gay_."

A/N: Sorry if this chapter was a little short- still in recovery. Anyway, continue to leave reviews, and I'll try to get the next one up, but keep in mind that I won't be able to update during the first few weeks of summer, I'll be busy. Thanks for bearing with me!

P.S. YAY, CAROLINA WON THE STANLEY CUP! …Sorry, I'm a Flames fan, so it's practically against my religion to cheer for Edmonton. Plus, my whole family is comprised of Oilers fans, and I really didn't want to go through Thanksgiving after an Edmonton victory, so I'm more relieved than happy.


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